Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow. 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校---...
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important. The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fir...
Police: When can it be that the thieves broke into your house? Owner: How could I know as my watch was stolen? 警察：你估计小偷是什么时候进入你家的？ 失主：我的手表都被偷走了，我怎么知道是什么时候？...
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not? After a while, her son returned a...
Customer: Waiter, I...
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over. Why on earth were you driving so fast? the policeman yelled. Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident! 哈里与劳埃德超速行驶...
On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket...
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer. A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row: Excuse me, was it your foot I s...
A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, I don...
Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn...
One day a doctor went to a store and bought a pair of shoes. Before he left the shoes counter, he asked the salesgirl: How long will this pair of shoes last? It depends. If you don t use it, the shoes will never wear out. Several days late...
Husband: Did you sew the button on my shirt, darling? Wife: No, dear. I couldn...
Traveler: Can I catch the three o...
During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and developm...
One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him: There are birds...
But the teacher cried The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day o...
A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it .She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes.Frantically, she called to the father outside....
May I borrow your record player tonight ? a man asked his neighbour . Sure . Do you want to listen to some music? No . he answered . Tonight I want to have some peace and quiet. 今晚我可以借用以下你的唱机吗？一个人对他的邻...
A woman got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minut...
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: Wake up, sir! I wasn...
Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper. What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven...
One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, Mommy, what...
The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother. I didn...
Contented Married Life 令人满意的婚姻生活 A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, My wife makes all the small decisions, he explained, and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each...
A Nail Or A Fly? 钉子还是苍蝇？ An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bott...
区 别 I can always tell a graduate class from Difference an undergraduate class, observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. When I say,...
A Smugglar 走私犯 The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. 一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，...
Whose Son Is the Greatest The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. My son is a monsignor, said the first proud woman. When he enters a room, people say,...
Two hearts beating Nurse: How do you feel after your operation? Patient: Quite alright, only I can feel two hearts beating inside me. Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now. 两颗心脏在...
Doctor： I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary. Patient： then send the bill to my father，please. 医生：对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传...